The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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