We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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