gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
