imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
