I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
