I smell stomach acid.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
