i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
