Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
