I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
