I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
