I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
