Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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