How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
