I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
