is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He better not be in your backpack
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize