i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize