I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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