i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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