Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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