Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
