I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
