my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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