Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
whose parrot is this?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
