the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
