chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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