there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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