We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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