And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
