we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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