I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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