The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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