she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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