in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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