Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
