Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
