I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize