corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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