no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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