I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
