I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
