I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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