I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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