I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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