I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
