dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
id be glad to
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
