i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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