Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
