sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
