You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
