I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
