I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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