I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize