i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
