just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize