it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
