When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
