U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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