the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
