I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
