i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
