How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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