A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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