i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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