I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Everyone says I win the strip club
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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