Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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