I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
