...so i touched it.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The uberlube is also flammable
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
